She was a complicated woman. My mom. Many things went well for her in life, but some things seemed to sabotage her happiness. She married not for love, because her love was killed in WWII. Instead she married my father and their relationship was strained. He became a minister and she'd always said "I didn't sign up for that." Four kids later, just before her retirement she decided she had had enough. Through so many of her personal struggles she WAS there for me. She dried my tears, held me close. When she became sick with cancer I found myself angry at her. Why wasn't she fighting harder? Didnt she care about me and her 2 grandchildren? When she passed, I was shattered. There was no longer an option to apologize, to be gentle. Now, 30 years later I find myself talking to her. I tell her I'm sorry for the sadness in her life, and know now how much that sadness weighed her down. I tell her I'm sorry. She gave to others when no one else would. She gave to me when I feared I was falling away. I talk to her and I hear her response. "You will always be loved, you ARE loved. I always loved you. Now go out and spread that love around. Shower your children with, wrap your husband in it, blanket yourself up in it, and do good and be kind." Okay mom. Got it. Thank you.